


Something Borrowed

by jeonswonwoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, M/M, baekhyun is an asshole sometimes, he just implies it but i thought i should mention it just in case, i really make long af tags, kyungsoo mentions being afraid of chanyeol committing suicide/harming himself, other than baek/jongdae and kris/suho the other pairing are just mentioned like once or twice, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 12:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8667886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonswonwoo/pseuds/jeonswonwoo
Summary: "You know, if I have to miss someone for the rest of my life, I’m glad it’s you, Byun Baekhyun.”Chanyeol and Baekhyun met during university and while Chanyeol falls in love with Baekhyun, the later starts dating Jongdae. 5 years later Chanyeol is still in love but Baekhyun and Jongdae are getting married. Junmyeon and Kris are a mess and Kyungsoo just wishes his friends would get their shit together for once.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!!!  
> I wrote this fic a year ago (it was actually the first one i've ever wrote) and had it on AFF, but only decided to post it here now bc I finally got around to edit what it was bothering me.  
> This started as a Something Borrowed AU and this was the mess I managed to do. I hope you enjoy it <3 I also just realized how little Baekhyun actually appears on this fic.  
> Anyway if you want to reach me to say I suck or that you love me you can go to my 
> 
> [tumblr](https://http://kimseeokjins.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/tuansmarc)

Chanyeol started the first day of his third year of college with the wrong foot, having slept through his first class of the day and all. Right now he’s running through campus trying not to be late for his second class and he feels like he might pass out any second, considering this is the most exercise he had done in months.

Once he gets to his class the professor is already teaching and he prays that no one sees him, but as luck would have it, his professor looks his way just as he enters the room and gives him a disapproving look and Chanyeol sighs and sits in the back. He takes out his notebook to start making his notes but of fucking course he let’s his pens fall on the floor by accident — all four of them — and can’t seem to reach them, and he sure as hell won’t try anymore because the last thing he wants is to earn another disapproving look, so he just sighs, again, and sinks lower on his chair. Honestly, he’s a good person, so why does the universe hate him so much?

“Here,” and Chanyeol looks to his left to see the most handsome young man handing him a pen.

“I'm okay, don't worry,” Chanyeol says in such a low voice that he was not sure the boy next to him heard him until he was smiling at him and putting the pen on top of Chanyeol’s notebook. "Plus, it's your only pen."

“I’ll be just fine.”

To be honest, Chanyeol doesn’t pay much attention to the rest of the class or takes a lot of notes because he just keeps looking at the guy next to him out of the corner of his eye. Chanyeol’s so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize that the class had already ended and he was the only one in the room; well, not the only one, seeing has the cute guy from earlier was by the door looking at him with an amused look on his face.

“I was wondering how much longer would it take for you to realize you were the only one in here,” he says while laughing at Chanyeol, and how dare he look so adorable while making fun of him? 

“I was just —,” but he stops himself before coming up with a stupid excuse. “Oh, here,” and he hands the other man the pen he borrowed earlier. "Thank you!"

"It's nothing. You can keep it," he smiles.

"Oh..." Chanyeol feels his cheeks burn and he mentally kicks himself. Why does have to get flustered every time a cute guy does anything remotely nice? "Thank you then, I could really use another pen to keep company to the other fifty I already have," he says and curses himself under his breath. Way to go and make people think you're an ungrateful little shit, Park Chanyeol.

But instead of being offended the other guy just laughs.

“You're cute,“ he simply says.

“I'm what?” and the question came out a little louder than Chanyeol wanted.

And the asshole laughs again at Chanyeol. “You're cute!” 

“I, uh… Well, huh... Thanks, I guess?” Yup, nailed it, dumbass.

They end up having lunch together at a nearby dinner, Chanyeol's treat for having borrowed the other's pen and he doesn't argue with that.

 

They order their food and Chanyeol learns that the cute pink haired boy is called Byun Baekhyun and is also a law major — even though he doesn't really remember having seen the guy around before, then again Chanyeol never pays much attention to people around him — that’s expected to one day take his father’s place at his law firm. Since they arrived Chanyeol hasn’t talked much, only giving the occasional nod or providing with information to questions Baekhyun asks, and Chanyeol finds himself being fond of the fact that Baekhyun is the most chatty person he’s ever come across. 

 

It's easy for them to become inseparable after that, and Kyungsoo thinks it’s a little annoying most of the time. But having the same major and sharing the same classes makes it easier for them to have study sessions most days and hang out together most of the time.

Where Baekhyun was, Chanyeol would be right next to him and three months later, between stolen kisses and stolen touches, it became quite obvious to Chanyeol that he couldn’t imagine his life without the other boy anymore, and he knew he was pretty much fucked. They some how had fallen into the category of friend with benefits, and a lot of benefits at that, one night when Baekhyun decided it was a great idea to get drunk while playing video games after a week of intense studying for one particular class that's was being a pain in the ass. 

 

("Come on, Chanyeol," the pink haired boy whined. "You need to loosen up a bit."

"But I can do that without having to get drunk," Chanyeol replied. "We can just play video games and relax. Maybe see a movie," he offers.

"That's too boring."

"Of course it is," Chanyeol mutters. "But I'm a light weight, and I'm not really used to drink. This is really the least relaxing thing I can think of."

"I can't hold my alcohol that well either, so let's just be a little dumb together," and he gives Chanyeol the sweetest smile. If Chanyeol is being honest Baekhyun could come to him smiling like that and ask him to help him kill someone and hide the body, and Chanyeol would most probably do it. He's that much of a lovesick idiot.

They start drinking and playing random video games, games which Chanyeol apparently sucks at. Baekhyun has no problem in laughing at his face and Chanyeol kind of wants to kiss all that smugness away, so he does. He's feeling the buzz of the alcohol and they're both feeling too relaxed to even care. 

At first Chanyeol starts panicking a little because Baekhyun doesn't reciprocate the kiss and his mind goes _fuck fuck fuck_ , but then Baekhyun's hands are on his hair and he's kissing him back. It's sloppy and rushed but Chanyeol hasn't felt happier. 

He moves to Baekhyun's lap, his knees on each side of the other man's hips, and it doesn't take long until the other boy has his hands down his pants.)

 

 

Kyungsoo often told him that he should just tell Baekhyun that he’s in love with him and that he wants to marry him and have his babies, which earns him a slap in the head every time, but Chanyeol just tells him that he’d rather not make a fool out of himself or get humiliated — because while they have this thing where they sometimes kiss and have sex (really, really hot sex, if Chanyeol is being honest), Chanyeol knows that nothing more will come out of it —, and his answer always makes Kyungsoo curse under his breath and call Chanyeol a fucking oblivious idiot over and over again.

But what is Chanyeol supposed to do? In his own opinion he's nothing special. He’s too tall, his ears are too big, he’s smile is too wide and he’s too clumsy for his own good. He can't even manage to make friends on his own, he studies too much and he doesn't even know how to have fun. Baekhyun on the other hand... He was the best person Chanyeol has ever met. Sure, he has his flaws; he's too loud at times, and he has this way of annoying Chanyeol until he just snaps at him telling him to shut up for just five minutes, and he is often a little tactless — being way too honest in times he should probably be a little more delicate —, but he's also kind, and does everything for the people he loves, never fails to put a smile on Chanyeol's face when he feels like the world keeps dragging him down, and Baekhyun was never a good cook (pretty far from that, if he's being honest) but he always tries his best.

Chanyeol was only good enough to be a dirty secret, Baekhyun would never look at him as more than a friend he kissed and sometimes had sex with, and he was okay with that. He had come to terms with it a while ago. So when he introduced Baekhyun to his other childhood best friend, he saw the interest sparkle in his eyes, he wasn’t dumb. Chanyeol knew right there that whatever he and Baekhyun had it was probably done for.

 

Surprise, surprise, Park Chanyeol had been right! And Baekhyun had put a stop to their thing a month after meeting Jongdae.

It didn’t matter that they had been together, if you can even call it that, for six months, and it didn’t matter that Chanyeol had accidentally confessed to Baekhyun one day after sex. It didn’t matter because in the end Baekhyun still stopped whatever they were doing with just a “it was fun Yeolie, but I think I might really like Jongdae” and a smile. And sure, Chanyeol had offered a smile and had laughed it off saying that his confession was more due to the fact that he was still high on his orgasm than anything else, but that day when he got to his dorm he was thankful that Kyungsoo was out and cried until he fell asleep on his bed.

 

 

 

+

 

 

 

His last year of college just started a month ago and Chanyeol and Baekhyun have been spending less and less time together because apparently Jongdae and Baekhyun are trying to know each other better and take things slow, or so Baekhyun has told him. They also have loads of things in common, things he doesn’t have in common with Chanyeol — they are both funny and easy going, and Jongdae is gorgeous and is not a clumsy giant like Chanyeol and apparently they have the same taste in everything, which if you ask Chanyeol it’s a little annoying and boring —, and Chanyeol is fine, he really is, it’s not like he has any right to be mad or jealous, anyway.

Kyungsoo just keeps calling Chanyeol a fucking idiot and complaining that he doesn’t know why he’s still friends with a bunch of idiots.

“Honestly, you keep pinning and it's kind of infuriating how much of an oblivious idiot Baekhyun is. And poor Jongdae, he was just thrown under this whole mess,” Kyungsoo says one day. 

“You keep saying those things and I still don’t understand why you do it,” Chanyeol looks way from his books and looks at his best friend. 

“Chanyeol, you're an idiot,” Kyungsoo sighs. “How many times do I have to tell you that Baek likes you?”

Not this again. 

Chanyeol just wants to scream at Kyungsoo that he did confess to Baekhyun once, he just didn’t care.

“And how many times do I have to tell you that you are seeing things?” Chanyeol hates it when Kyungsoo starts this damn conversation. “Baekhyun likes Jongdae, he told me so. It’s just a matter of time before they stop dancing around each other and get together, so please, can you just leave it?” He grabs his books, throws them in his bag and leaves for the library to study. 

It’s been a rather quiet week. He hasn’t seen much of Baekhyun or Jongdae, but he knows they’ve been spending their time together, if his Instagram and Facebook feed are anything to go by, and he hates being jealous of one of his best friends but he just can’t help it.

 

 

Three days later and he hasn’t heard of Baekhyun or Jongdae. He hasn’t even seen Baekhyun in classes, and if he's honest he doesn't really bother to look around for him, which can only mean two things: one, Baekhyun is sick — too sick to not even bother to text Chanyeol about it or ask for notes — or two, he finally asked Jongdae to date him and they’ve been making up for lost time, doing things Chanyeol doesn’t really want to think about. 

His answer comes two hours later when someone knocks on the door and he finds Jongdae smiling like an idiot as soon as he opens it.

“Who knew you were still alive,” Chanyeol jokes as his friend sits on the edge of his bed.

“Chanyeol, you can’t even imagine how great this week as been,” he starts. “I can’t believe Baekhyun asked me to his boyfriend, seriously. i don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. I have —” Jongdae keeps talking and talking but Chanyeol is not hearing anymore. He’s been preparing himself for this ever since Baekhyun admitted he liked Jongdae and broke it off with him, and he really thought he could handle it, but having all of this really happening is completely different and Chanyeol thinks he never felt quite this bad.

“Chanyeol are you even listen to me?”

“Yes, of course. You were telling me about all the disgusting stuff you and Baek have been doing these three days,” he says trying to sound as happy as he can and he hopes Jongdae can't see through his fake smile. “Have you even been to classes? I haven’t seen Baekhyun in any of them.” 

He knows they are in love and all, but it’s still pretty irresponsible to miss classes like this. He tells himself that no, this is not his jealousy talking, he’s just concerned about his friends’ education.

“Don’t be stupid, Chanyeol!” Jongdae says as he gives a light smack on his friends thigh. “We kind of keep losing track of time when we're together and we keep arriving late to every class.”

Chanyeol would find that cute if he wasn't feeling so jealous.

They spoke for a long time, and Chanyeol loves his friend to death, he truly does, but he doesn’t think he can’t handle more talks about how in love he and Baekhyun are or about how happy they are. He’s about to go mad when Kyungsoo enters their shared dorm and Chanyeol thanks to all the Gods above for that. 

He gives them a lame excuse about having to go to the library to study and is out the door as fast as he can. Once he gets there he notices a message from Kyungsoo calling him and idiot, something that’s been happening more than usual as of late, saying that he owes him big time. Chanyeol really does, poor guy, if he wasn’t such a good friend he would’ve told Chanyeol to fuck off a long time a go. 

 

 

After that day in Chanyeol’s room he makes his goal to avoid Jongdae and Baekhyun as much as he can, because no matter how much he loves both of them it still hurts too much looking at them being all cute together or having to hear the way they talk about each other.

His excuses go from “I can’t, I have a lot o study” to “I’m tired and I really need to rest” or “I just don’t feel like it”, and if he's being honest none of them are actually lies, considering he actually ends up studying or resting and he never really feels like going out anymore. Kyungsoo is probably tired of seeing Chanyeol’s sad ugly mug around the dorm but at least he’s kind enough not to say anything about it.

A month goes by, then two, and three, and next thing he nows he’s already finishing his degree. His family his all there to celebrate with him and tell him how proud they are of him and he's never been as happy and proud of himself as he is right now.Baekhyun is always there by his side, telling him he's making him look bad with all his good grades and never failing to make him laugh throughout the ceremony, making sure to give him a warm and reassuring smile during Chanyeol's speech. 

He feels like he hasn’t seen his group of friends in months, doesn’t remember the last time they were all together.When he thinks back to his last year, he can only remember class rooms, libraries and Kyungsoo’s face and suddenly he feels a little pathetic. 

Well, at least he’s a pathetic idiot with great grades that ended his degree on top of almost all his classes. Either way, he decides to call his group of friends and have a nice little get together to celebrate,which comes as a surprise to all of them, but they are happy that Chanyeol is finally doing something for fun. 

 

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are the first to arrive at the little bar they used to go to, back when he still bothered with his social life, which wasn't even that much in the first place, and after a while all of his friends started to arrive, and with them a lot of faces he doesn’t really remember or knows. Honestly, when did Sehun even started dating the cute guy from his dance practice? And who the hell is Luhan?

After everyone’s there and they’re done with all the introductions they go inside and they end up having to put four of the little tables together in order for the twelve of them to sit.

Chanyeol feels a little out of place, he hasn’t been with these people in months and they all have this incredible bond that Chanyeol’s not a part of, there’s new people he never saw in his life, and that kind of sucks, so he just watches as they interact with each other. He doesn’t miss the way Baekhyun looks at Jongdae or the way Jongdae caresses Baekhyun’s hand without even noticing.

“You’ve been awfully quiet, Chanyeol,” he looks at Yixing, who gives him a smile.

“Well, that’s what happens when you’ve been living under a rock for half of the school year,” Chanyeol replies.

After a while he starts getting more comfortable around everyone and talking more and more, actually celebrating being done with college — he even forgets about how he has this pain in his chest every time he's near Baekhyun. After a while they are all a bit tipsy and Chanyeol thinks how he hasn’t felt this happy and this light in months, and he realizes that even though he lost the boy he loves to his best friend, he still has his group of friends who he knows will never let him be lost or alone.

 

 

 

+

 

 

 

You’d think that five years later Chanyeol would be over Baekhyun, but no, as time passes he feels like his love for the man just grows. It probably would have been easier to move on if he and Baekhyun weren't business partners (which happened because Chanyeol thought he was cool with his feelings and their past together, and was adult enough to deal with it, but now he just wishes he could punch his twenty-four old self), an idea that came to Baekhyun when he decided that he just didn’t want to work for his father’s law firm after being there for two years. Three years later they are Baekhyun’s father biggest rivals, something that makes up for lovely family dinners every Friday night, or so Baekhyun and Jongdae tell him. 

Their group of friends still gets together almost every week, except for Kris who went back to China after graduation, but they don’t really talk about that, or him, because Junmyeon always gets sad and angry, often leaving without saying a word. No one really knows what happened between those two, they just know it’s bad because even Zitao's relationship with his cousin went a little south. 

They are a pretty happy group of people, and even though Chanyeol is very happy to have all of his friends with him and to be working his dream job, he still feels like something is missing.

He tried dating other people (which ended up ending horribly wrong), but that void in his chest never really went away, and he feels a little jealous to see his friends married, about to get married and in stable relationships — or in Kyungsoo and Zitao’s case, just being happy all alone. Sometimes it feels like he’s still stuck in his university days, because he still lives with Kyungsoo and he’s still a mopping mess because of his feelings for Baekhyun. It’s pathetic, really!

 

“Are you even listening to me?” Kyungsoo raises his voice and lightly smacks Chanyeol’s head.

“God dammit! What was that for?” He rubs his head. Kyungsoo really has been perfecting his hitting skills over the years.

“Well, I’ve been talking to you for the past five minutes and you clearly didn’t hear shit.”

“If it were important I would’ve probably heard it,” he laughs and returns to his work. 

“Don’t be an asshole, Park Chanyeol,” he says while cleaning his camera lenses. He sounds a little too serious but chanyeol dismisses it because Kyungsoo sounds serious even when he’s joking. “I was telling you that I heard Sehun and Jongin saying that Baekhyun is planning on preposing to Jongdae.”

Oh. 

_Oh._

So that’s why Baekhyun had been so secretive these past few days.

“What do you mean he’s going to propose to Jongdae?” Chanyeol kept taking notes, he couldn’t even bring himself to look at Kyungsoo. “Is this another one of your terrible jokes?”

“Exactly what it means. And I know better than to make these kind of jokes with you.”

Chanyeol doesn’t say a single word after that and just leaves the house, Kyungsoo still talking with him.

He doesn’t really know where he’s going, he just knows that he needs a little bit of fresh air because suddenly he felt like he was suffocating and like everything was falling apart around him. Half an hour later his vision is a little blurry with all tears that threat to come out, he just pretends it's the cold wind making his eyes water instead of the pain in his heart, and he realizes he’s in front of the building were they work, not really knowing how he even got there in the first place.

He knows Baekhyun is in there — he's always preferred finishing his work at the office instead of taking it home, unlike Chanyeol —, still working on a tough case he got this week.

He knows it’s a bad idea to go inside and talk with Baekhyun, but he does anyway. He was never one for smart decisions.

It’s 10 p.m. so Baekhyun is the only one there, which is probably a good thing, because the last thing he wants is someone else witnessing the mess Chanyeol is at the moment.

“Hey Baek,” he pokes his head through the door, a very scared Baekhyun looking back at him. 

“Fucking hell, Park Chanyeol! What the hell are you doing here at this time of the night?” 

“I can’t believe you are going to propose to Jongdae and you didn’t tell me about it,” he meant to ask Baekhyun how the tough case was going but the bitter words are out before Chanyeol could even stop them, and Baekhyun is caught off guard. 

“I was still thinking on how to do it and I didn’t want to bother you with it,” Baekhyun gets up from his chair and walks to the front of his desk looking at Chanyeol. “I wanted it to be a surprised, so I didn’t wanna risk it someone blabbing it to Jongdae accidentally.” 

“Yeah, but you told everyone else but me, Baek,” Chanyeol is hurt and Baekhyun can see it, but he doesn’t really understand why. 

“I didn't tell anyone about it, they simply found out," he corrects him. "And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I plan to marry my boyfriend of five years, but I really didn’t realize that I had to tell you about everything in my life!” Baekhyun is so frustrated he ends up screaming the last few words, slamming his hand on the table, and Chanyeol just wants to scream that he’s still in love with his stupid ass after all these years.

“I’m your best friend, Baekhyun. You should tell me these things!” He knows he's being incredibly immature. He knows it so well, but he’s hurt and he can’t just pretend everything’s alright. Didn’t the months of sneaking around to kiss each other and to have sex back in college meant anything? Didn’t the fact that Chanyeol said he loved Baekhyun back then meant anything? But Chanyeol comes to realize that to Baekhyun it probably didn’t.

And even if they did meant something at the time it was a life time ago, and Chanyeol is the only dumbass still stuck in those very moments when he felt on top of the world.

Baekhyun rubs his face and sighs. “Chanyeol, I’m really sorry, but you’re being difficult about something that doesn’t really concern you. Yes, you're my best friend, and yes, you’re very important to me, but I don’t owe you any sort of explanation regarding my future plans with my boyfriend,” maybe it was a little harsh, or maybe it really wasn’t, because honestly, Baekhyun is right, Chanyeol is just Baekhyun’s best friend, nothing more and as Baekhyun said, he doesn’t owe him shit. 

“Alright,” Chanyeol mutters.

He turns around and leaves, ignoring Baekhyun calling his name.

 

He doesn’t go home, instead he just seats in a park bench and stares at the moon, thinking about everything that just happened and fuck, he needs to get a grip and just move on because this doesn’t do anyone any good, least of all himself. He can feel his phone buzzing in his pocket and it’s probably Kyungsoo worried about him, but he’s just not really in the mood for talking.

He doesn’t know how long he stayed there, but the sun is already out and he should probably head home before Kyungsoo organizes a search party to go look for him.

He feels stiff from sitting for so long on an uncomfortable park bench, and his hands are probably five seconds away from falling off because they're freezing. When he takes the phone out of his pocket he knows he is in trouble because he has close to fifty missed calls and a shit ton of messages asking where the hell he is and if he’s alive.

As soon as he entered their shared flat he was met with a hard punch on his harm. “What the fuck, Kyungsoo?”

“Where the hell have you been, Chanyeol?” He yells, pacing around the flat with his hands on his hips, reminding Chanyeol a lot of their moms when they, along with Jongdae, would get in trouble when they were kids. “Do you know how worried I was? You ran out of here without saying a word and you looked the complete opposite of fine. I even called all the hospitals in the area. Fuck!” He sits on the couch, rubbing his face, and Chanyeol sits beside him.

“Sorry I got you so worried. I just needed some time to think and put my ideas in order.” 

“Just don’t do that ever again, please!” He says while Chanyeol embraces him in a hug. “It’s just… I know how much you’re suffering, and I now how much you hurt because of your feelings for Baekhyun. I was just afraid you’d do something really stupid.”

“I’m fine,” he looks away from Kyungsoo and stares at his feet. “I always knew this would happen, I was just caught a little bit off guard. I will be fine, don’t worry,” Kyungsoo opens his mouth to say something but he stops himself because he figures the last thing Chanyeol needs is him pressuring him about this matter. 

After a well deserved bath, Chanyeol sends a text to Baekhyun saying we won’t be going to work today because he doesn’t feel too well, he turns off his phone and just lays in bed.

He spent the whole night thinking and rethinking about his attitude and about his life, and he needs to move on — needs to stop thinking about all the what if’s, for real this time. It’s not going to be easy, he knows that, but for his sake and for the sake people around him, he has to do it. 

 

When he woke up it felt as if he had slept for a lifetime and to the smell of food entering his room. 

He gets up to find Kyungsoo cooking a bunch of food in their kitchen.

“Well, if I knew that reaching my lowest would’ve got me a nice homemade meal, I would’ve have done it sooner,” he says playfully but Kyungsoo looks at him seriously.

“Jesus, Chanyeol, don’t make fun of these things, you idiot!”

They eat in silence, mainly because Kyungsoo is afraid to say the wrong thing and make Chanyeol uncomfortable or just angry. Chanyeol feels a little awkward about his friend treating him like he's made out of glass and just wants to scream at Kyungsoo and tell him that he is not gonna break if he talks to him. 

“You know, I’m not gonna start screaming or break down and cry if you talk to me,” he says way to casually. 

“I just don’t want to upset you by saying the wrong thing or push further about what’s happening,” he’s looking at Chanyeol like he is broken beyond repair, when in reality he’s just a little broken heart. He hates it!

“Well, first stop looking at me like something is wrong. It’s just a little heartbreak,” he gets up from the table and puts the dirty dishes in the sink. “And second, I’m fine.I’m moving on,” and he leaves his flat mate eating alone and goes back to his room. 

For some reason that just leaves Kyungsoo even more worried about his friend.

 

The next day Chanyeol gets up earlier than usual because he really doesn’t want to face Baekhyun when arriving at work, and if he arrives first that won’t happen until later in the day. At least he hopes it won’t.

Kyungsoo wakes up to sounds in the kitchen and is a little alarmed because no one’s ever up at this time in their flat, and gets up to see what’s all that noise about. 

“Why are you already up and making all this noise?” he says rubbing his eyes when he spots his best friend in the kitchen.

“I’m obviously eating my breakfast so I can go to work.”

“Well I can see that,” and he goes to sit at the table while he sleepily scratches his butt. “But you never wake up this early unless you have to.”

“I’m trying to change my habits. Be a little less lazy, you know? Be a little more healthy,” he says finishing his breakfast, ignoring Kyungsoo's snort. “I’m serious! Now go to sleep because you only have to go help Sehun in the afternoon and I know you were up late editing photos.”

He gets up, ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair, and leaves. 

 

He’s the first to arrive to the firm, and seriously who knew getting up early could actually get him in a good mood? Probably everyone who hasn’t been a lazy ass all their lives.

He didn’t remember to stop on the way to buy coffee, so he makes himself a cup and goes to his office to do some of the work he should have done the day before.

Everything goes by smoothly and Chanyeol doesn’t even realize that it’s lunch time until Sehun is entering is office asking him if he wants to go eat with him. 

“What’s is this about?” Sehun never does this, so excuse Chanyeol for being a little suspicious about it. 

“What do you mean?” he asks while sitting in front of Chanyeol’s desk. “Can’t a guy just come by to spend sometime with his friend?”

“Well, you can. It’s just that you never do that and I’m pretty sure that either Kyungsoo asked you to check up on me or you heard that I found out about the proposal and came by to see if I already lost my mind,” he’s not sure if his friends ever found out about him and Baekhyun in college, he thinks they didn’t, but sometimes they sure act like they do.

“I’m just worried about my friend. Sue me!”

“I just might,” he jokes. 

“But seriously, just come eat something with me and talk for a while,” and it’s clear in Sehun’s voice that he is worried about him, and Chanyeol might just start writing ‘I’m fine!!!!!!!!!’ on his forehead. 

“Okay. But there’s really nothing to talk about,” he warns before getting up and picking up his coat to leave. 

They go to a little place near his work place, and unlike Kyungsoo, Sehun is great at small talk, so it doesn’t get that awkward while they are eating, even though they keep avoiding the proposal subject. 

Sehun talks about how great his classes have been, how great everything in the studio s going, and how much people actually like Kyungsoo and how good he actually is with the students. He also tells him that Zitao came back from China and when they asked about Kris he just sighed and slapped the table before telling them to stop asking about his cousin. 

“Does anyone even know what went down with Kris?” To this day no one figured out what happened, even though everyone speculates, they long stopped asking Zitao about it, because every time they do he just gets really angry. 

“Not really, but it must’ve been pretty serious,” he says while he’s typing away on his phone. “I mean, Junmyeon gets really sad whenever we talk about him, and Tao just gets really angry.”

“Maybe he left Junmyeon to run off with someone else,” and that earns him a really hard slap on the arm.

“Don’t be stupid, Yeol. Those two loved each other so much that sometimes I actually thought they were going to burst,” he turns to look Chanyeol in the eyes. “And what about you?”

“What about me?”

“How have you been?” Chanyeol knows what Sehun is oh so subtly trying to get out of him. 

“I’ve been great, thank you for asking,” and he asks the waiter to bring him more water. “Work's been good and life’s been even better.”

“You’re an awful liar, Park Chanyeol,” and Sehun laughs a little, probably at his pathetic try not to let this conversation go where he doesn’t want it to. “Everyone already knows you know about the proposal. Everyone also knows that you didn’t take it very well.”

“How do you even know that?” either Kyungsoo said something about it when he was looking for Chanyeol, or Baekhyun did. 

“When you left the flat and didn’t come back, Kyungsoo called everyone to ask if you were with us.”

“Of course,” he sighs. Great! Now all of his friends know how pathetic he actually is. “Thanks for the concern and all, but I’m fine. I shouldn’t even have reacted like that in the first place, but now I’m great, I swear. No need to worry.”

“You know, the more you tell us not to worry, the more we will,” he gives him a smile and asks for the check. 

When they are walking back to the firm Sehun goes up with him because ‘ _You’re not my only friend in here and I haven’t seen Baek in two days’_ , and tells him about how him and Jongin are thinking about adopting a child. Chanyeol could not be happier for them, even though they are the youngest, they’ve been married the longest and he knows they will be great parents. 

Sehun goes to Baekhyun’s office and Chanyeol goes back to his. He’s been successfully avoiding Baekhyun and it’s like everything is in his favor today.

Well, that’s until Byun Baekhyun enters inhis office and sits in front of his desk, an expression on his face that Chanyeol doesn’t really know what it means. 

He pretends to be lost in some work and Baekhyun is not saying anything, so they’re just sitting there in silence for a while until Chanyeol starts getting annoyed. 

“Did you come in here just to see me work or do you actually want something?” The question coming out a little more rude than Chanyeol had intended. 

“I see you’re still mad,” Chanyeol knows Baekhyun well enough to see that he’s hurting his friend by being an asshole about all of this. He rubs his temples and sighs. 

“I’m sorry, Baek. I didn’t meant to speak to you like that,” he caresses Baekhyun’s hand and looks at him. “I’m sorry I reacted the way I did about the proposal. And you were totally right, I have nothing to do with it.”

“Yeah, but —“ Chanyeol stops him before he can say anything else.

“No buts, I was being an idiot for no reason. Now go back to work because you still have a tough case to win,” Baekhyun gets up and when he’s about to leave, Chanyeol calls him. “And Baek, I’m really happy for you and Jongdae.”

He really is, because no matter how much he loves Baekhyun, no matter how much he wants those stolen kisses and stolen touches back, all he wants is to see him happy, even if it’s not with him. 

It’s for the better that all of this happened anyway, Chanyeol really needed to move on because it just makes everyone uncomfortable and it makes him way too miserable. 

 

 

 

+

 

 

 

A couple of months later and Baekhyun and Jongdae finally decided to set a date for their wedding. They chose the 17th of July, which is just a month away and Chanyeol doesn’t really think he’s ready for it.

After the little incident, as he decided to call it, Chanyeol just spoke the necessary with Baekhyun but made sure to spend more time with Jongdae once he realized how bad of a friend he was being just because he couldn’t see past his own feelings. It only took him five years to realize how much of a shitty friend he is, which only makes him feel even worse about the whole ordeal. The truth is that it’s not Jongdae’s fault Chanyeol and Baekhyun didn't work out, people don’t choose who they fall in love with and Chanyeol just happened to fall in love with someone who didn’t love him back.

Yes, it sucked, but he’s learning to deal with it, and maybe he’ll end up falling in love again, because what are the chances of you being in love with someone who doesn’t return those feelings for the rest of your life? 

“Yeol, I need to ask you something,” for the first time since they've been friends Jongdae looks like a nervous mess.

“What is it?” 

“I know we drifted apart a bit in these last few years, and to be perfectly honest I never understood why but I never really wanted to ask you about it. You’re my best friend and I’m really happy that we get to spend a lot of time together again, I’ve missed you, you know?” Chanyeol feels like the worst person in the world all over again, and he deserves it. All this time he was just worried about his own feelings, the pain he was feeling, that he never stop to think how his childish actions were affecting one of the people that matter the most to him. He was so set on blaming Jongdae for taking Baekhyun away that he forgot how to be a good friend.

He gives Jongdae a tight hug. “For what is worth, I’m really sorry and I missed you like hell. I was a shitty friend for a stupid reason, and for that I’m very, very sorry.” 

“Chanyeol, it’s fine. Well, not really, but we’re good now, yeah?” he reaches for Chanyeol’s face and wipes the few tears Chanyeol didn’t know had even fallen from his eyes. “This went a little more dramatic and sentimental then what I was going for. What I really want to ask you is if you accept to be my best man.”

Chanyeol was a little taken aback, if he’s being honest, with that question because he genuinely thought he’d be asking Luhan or something, but he’s kind of glad that it’s him. That way maybe he can make up for the fact that he’s been such an awful person and best friend. 

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, Park Chanyeol. We’ve been friends since we were in diapers. Me, you and Soo against the world, remember?” And how Chanyeol would love to go back to the days were it was just the three of them playing outside until their parents had to drag them into the house. “There’s no other two people I’d rather have by my side on the most important day of my life.” 

 

He later learns that with being a best man comes the duty to help with the wedding and thanks to Kyungsoo’s hatred for all of it, it’s been hilarious and incredibly amusing. 

“Soo, can you at least pretend you find this interesting and change that painful facial expression?” Jongdae begs as he lightly slaps his arm.

“You know, you’re lucky I love you,” he says while he looks at all the flowers without knowing what the hell is doing in there in the first place. “What are we even doing anyways?” He gestures between him and Chanyeol. “It’s not like you take our opinion into consideration. Every time you asks us for it you just choose the opposite.”

“You have awful taste, so when you choose one I know the opposite option is the best one,” Jongdae says with a grin on his face.

“You little shit,” Chanyeol says at the same time Kyungsoo says “You fucking asshole” and smacks Jongdae lightly in the back of his head.

For the past week Chanyeol has been splitting is time between work and helping Jongdae with the wedding, and Christ, who knew planinga wedding was so exhausting? 

Chanyeol is so tired and it’s not even his wedding. But he has never seen Jongdae so happy, so he’s just glad he can help him — even if Jongdae never takes his opinions into consideration and makes Kyungsoo scream with frustration. Plus, he may or may not have found a cute date for the wedding, which is always a good thing. No one really wants to go alone to the wedding of their ex-we’re-not-dating-but-we-kiss-and-have-sex-sometimes.

 

The days pass all too fast, and before Chanyeol realizes there's one week left until the wedding day and he's getting out of work early to help Jongdae prepare the last details of the engagement party. Jongdae insisted on one even this close to the wedding mainly as an excuse to get all of his friends and family together before the big day.

“Did you actually invite Kris?” Chanyeol asks him.

“Well, duh. He's my friend, so why wouldn’t I?” 

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because something not so good went down with him and Junmyeon,” what is Jongdae even thinking? Chanyeol can see everything going tits up the moment Junmyeon and Zitao lay eyes on Kris.

“Well, I’m not going to just not invite one of my closest friends just because him and Junmyeon had a bad breakup,” he says simply. “Plus, maybe they’ll get their head out their asses and talk.”

Suddenly Chanyeol understands what Jongdae is trying to do. No one knows what happened, but they all know it wasn’t just a “bad breakup” as Jongdae so lightly puts it, and he knows that Jongdae just wants all of his friends to be happy, but he might do more harm than good and that’s what Chanyeol’s worried about. 

“Dae, I know that all you want to do is help but maybe you should just stay out of it,” Chanyeol advises. “We don't know what happen between them, and my guess is that was something rather serious, so maybe you could just stay out of this one, yeah?”

“But I’m just so happy that I want all my friends to be too, you know?” he says kind of sadly and Chanyeol nods, because that’s just how Jongdae is. He wants everyone to be happy and wants everyone to be in good terms with each other, so he often forgets that in reality things are not like he pictures it in his head. 

 

 

The engagement party is just three days before the wedding and Chanyeol is pretty sure it’s going to go disastrously bad because Kris arrived in the beginning of the week, and not only everyone decided not to tell Junmyeon — even after Chanyeol listed a bunch of reasons as to why that was an awful idea — but he also showed up with a lovely, beautiful woman who happens to be is wife. It’s safe to say that everyone was a little bit chocked with the news. 

Chanyeol often joked about him having ran away with someone else, he just never thought he might've been right all those times.

Their group still talked to Kris and they were all friends on Facebook and never, not even once, did Kris mentioned having a wife. There were no pictures of her, or them together, anywhere on his Facebook page, so it's only fair to say everyone got awfully quiet when he arrived with her.

“I still can’t believe you guys decided on not telling Junmyeon about Kris being here and having a wife,” Chanyeol says to Kyungsoo as he’s finishing dressing himself for the party. 

“I don’t like it either, but if we had told Junmyeon he would never go to the party or the wedding, and you know how his presence is very important to Jongdae,” it sucks having their group broken up like this. But still, lying to Junmyeon about this particular matter shouldn’t even had been an option.

“So you think putting Junmyeon through hell is better than telling him the truth just because Jongdae wants to have the perfect wedding and the perfect party?” Chanyeol is so, so mad at their friends for being so selfish. “How do you think Junmyeon is going to feel when he sees the man he’s still so in love with with a wife? How do you think he’s gonna feel to know that his best friends lied to him just because? It’s not right,” Chanyeol loves Jongdae to death, but this is just mean and Junmyeon doesn't deserve it. 

Kyungsoo just sighs and gets up once they are both ready to leave. 

When they get to the party everyone is there except for Kris, and for a moment Chanyeol thinks that maybe Kris gained some fucking sense and decided not to come to the party. 

 

 

At first he doesn't see Baekhyun and he thinks that maybe he stayed up late working on a case but then there he is, and Chanyeol doesn’t think he has ever been this beautiful. They haven’t seen each other in weeks, because even though they work in the same place Chanyeol’s been avoiding Baekhyun like the plague and Baekhyun hasn’t been talking to Chanyeol either. 

Baekhyun died his black hair ashy silver and he looks breathtaking with his black tux and white shirt with the two first buttons undone, his smile brighter than ever. 

He goes to their group and friends to say hi but he can’t really stand the fact that they are all fine with lying to Junmyeon, or that they're all looking at him with pitiful eyes — because it just so happens that everyone and their mom knows about Chanyeol’s feelings for Baekhyun —, so he just goes to sit on a table while playing some dumb game Baekhyun installed on his phone a while ago. 

When he looks up he sees Baekhyun in front of him, smiling. It's weird because they haven't spoken in weeks and Chanyeol knows that as much as he is avoiding Baekhyun, the other man is doing the exact same thing. 

"You dyed your hair," Chanyeol simply states. 

"Yeah, I wanted to do something different with it for the wedding. I'll dye it back to black after, otherwise no one is going to take me seriously in court," he gives Chanyeol a short smile, the one Baekhyun gives people he is mad at but he doesn't want them to know, and they get quiet again. It gets too awkward and Chanyeol is about to get back to the stupid game on his phone when Baekhyun speaks up again. "Are you hiding?"

"What do you mean am I hiding?" he questions.

"Well, it's been almost an hour and half since you arrived and you've been just sitting here the whole time, clearly avoiding everyone else. Jongdae is worried."

"Tell Jongdae I'm fine, I'm just a little tired, having to split myself between working and helping Jongdae," he said. "And I don't really feel like engaging in small talk, that's all."

"Maybe you should just come a sit with the whole gang and tell them that yourself because honestly, everyone thinks you're dying. That's how miserable you look," and again, Baekhyun is using the tone he uses to talk to people he hates while pretending he doesn't and that's making Chanyeol antsy.

Chanyeol get's back to the stupid game and Baekhyun takes that as him being dismissed and leaves him alone. 

 

One second everything’s doing fine and the next Kris arrives and everything goes to shit. Apart from their group of friends no one really gives two shits because most of them don’t even know who Kris is, but then Junmyeon looks at him and the next thing Chanyeol sees is him calling Kris a fucking asshole and throwing the liquid contents of his glass in Kris’ face.

“What the hell are you even doing here?” Junmyeon shouts and now everyone has their attention on the two boys.

“Jongdae invited me,” Kris’ answer comes out low and unsure.

Junmyeon just laughs and leaves after telling Jongdae he’s a fucking asshole and if he thinks he’s going to set foot at his wedding he’s dead wrong. 

No one goes after Junmyeon because everyone knows he won’t talk to anyone right now, so Chanyeol decides to send him a text to make sure he knows that he can text or call any of them if he needs anything at all.

“I told you this was a bad idea, didn’t I?” Chanyeol turns to Jongdae. “But you just had to have things your way just because you wanted the perfect everything. Dammit Dae, not everything is the way you want it to be.” 

Suddenly Chanyeol is being too loud — louder than he intended —, and Jongdae looks so upset Chanyeol thinks he might cry, making him feel incredibly guilty. 

“Why are you even so upset? It’s not like it has anything to do with you,” he looks to the person who just said that and Baekhyun is looking him dead in the eye.

“So you think all of this is okay? Lying to Junmyeon and putting him in an uncomfortable position where you know he’s going to end up hurt?” For a second Chanyeol doesn’t know if he’s talking about Junmyeon or his past situation with Baekhyun. “All of this is so fucked up! Jongdae you better learn once and for all that reality is different than everything you imagine in your head, and just because you’re happy in your damn perfect life and relationship bubble that doesn't mean everyone is going to be, or that you have to interfere.”

He can feel everyone’s eyes on him, and maybe he was a little harsh with his words and we should probably apologize, but he just can’t do it right now. He completely forgot about Kris and his wife, Wei, who has an incredible confused expression on her face, which probably means that she had no idea about Junmyeon and her husband.

“Yeol, there’s no nee—“ but Chanyeol doesn’t let Zitao finish and turns to him. 

“You knew about everything the whole time but still you thought it was a great idea to do this to your best friend?” If Chanyeol is being honest he doesn’t really understand himself why is reacting like this but he just has to say something or else he’s going to explode. “You were so angry at Kris and yet you were the first to agree with Jongdae’s stupid idea.

“C’mon Yeol,” Kyungsoo says as he steps closer to him. “I know you’re mad but don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?” and Kyungsoo’s got a point, he knows that, but Chanyeol has all this anger bottled up inside of him and he just has to say something because all of this is wrong on so many levels. 

“I jus—“ but Baekhyun doesn’t let him finish.

“You think you’re just a great fucking person that can do no wrong and that you can point fingers at anyone in here, but guess what, you’re not. You act all high and mighty but you went along with this too, you never said anything to Junmyeon,” Baekhyun yells while he gets closer. “You think everyone owes you an explanation about things that don't concern you, but we don’t.”

Chanyeol wasn’t expecting this reaction from Baekhyun, but he guesses this is the day for everyone to let out all of their anger on each other.

“But here’s what you don’t understand, this is not your life and it’s not your place to be throwing a fit like this about something that has shit to do with you in any fucking way. You look so pathetic, just like you did when you came into my office asking me for explanations about my future plans with my boyfriend or why I didn’t tell you about it,” somehow Baekhyun had gotten closer and Kyungsoo’s grip on Chanyeol’s arm had gotten tighter. “So here’s a tip, go live your life and let us live ours. Find a date, go on vacation, do whatever, but please, stop bothering people about things that have nothing to do with you.”

It’s safe to say that you could hear a fly fart in the room because no one was moving or making any sound. Chanyeol could only hear his heart beating loud in his ears and feel Kyungsoo dragging him out of the room while shouting something at Baekhyun that he can really understand. 

 

They get home and Kyungsoo is holding him by the arm all the way up their flat and into his room, and all Chanyeol wants is to either disappear or just forget this day completely.

He lays on his bed after taking a long shower and asks Kyungsoo to sleep with him tonight because he doesn’t want to be alone, so Kyungsoo does and holds his best friend while he cries until he’s too tired and just falls asleep.

 

The next day Chanyeol decides to work from home because he can’t face Baekhyun or anyone, for that matter, so he texts Kyungsoo asking him to go to his office to pick up some things he needs and to let Baekhyun know that he won't go to work. 

He knows he needs to apologize to Jongdae and to the rest of their friends but he’s so incredibly ashamed that the thought of getting out of the house makes him sick.

While he’s working he thinks it doesn’t get more pathetic than this, really. Almost thirty years old, working at home while still wearing his pajamas because he’s afraid to go to his own office and have to confront the love of his life, who’s possibly still pretty mad at him, who’s going to marry his best friend in two days. Way to go, Park Chanyeol. 

 

Hours pass and Chanyeol realizes he should probably leave his house and apologize to Jongdae or else things will just get weird and uncomfortable and no one really wants that, specially with the wedding being just two days away and where he just so happens to be one of the best men. He wonders where the hell Kyungsoo is. He left after dropping his stuff before lunch and it’s five in the afternoon and he’s still not home.

When he finally decides to get up and go dress himself to leave, he hears someone knock on the door, which he finds weird because he’s sure that no one from his group of friends wants to see him right now. So when he opens the door andsees a very sad and possibly sleep deprived Junmyeon, he’s quite surprised. 

“So, I heard you went ballistic at the party after I left,” and for someone with a broken heart he’s being a little bit too funny, Chanyeol thinks. 

“Well you look like shit,” Chanyeol offers and let’s the older man enter his flat. “Honestly what are you doing here? It’s not like I didn’t lie to you too.” 

Chanyeol feels a pang in his chest remembering how everything went last night. “Oh I know, I just figured I’d come here so we could at least be miserable together.”

They sit in silence for a while as Chanyeol finishes some work and Junmyeon ends up falling asleep on the couch. Chanyeol covers him with a blanket and watches him for a while, trying to put himself in his shoes.

Even though him and Chanyeol are in similar situations Junmyeon’s is way more cruel, and he can’t imagine how it has been for him all of these years. It was clear as day that Junmyeon was still in love with Kris, because in all the years they’ve been apart not once did he went on a date or showed any sort of interest in anyone, not even when one of their friends tried to set him up on date.

He realizes in that moment that he would do anything to see his friend happy, because no matter what Junmyeon had always been there for everyone. He’d always been there to pick everyone up, to make them all feel better even if he was not okay himself, even if he had to put on a mask and pretend everything was fine. He realizes that through all these years Junmyeon has always been their rock, the one they all go to when something’s not right, the one that always knows what’s the right thing to say, the onethat takes care of them even when they think they don’t need to. And he does all of this without asking for anything in return, and they all had missed how miserable he has been. 

 

When he wakes up Chanyeol is watching some movie he’s not really paying much attention to and kicks his legs. “How long have I been sleeping?”

“For about five hours,” Chanyeol answers has he checks his watch. 

“And why didn’t you wake me up?” 

"You looked like you really needed to sleep, with all that happened yesterday and whatnot,” he shrugs. 

They fall into a comfortable silence again, but Chanyeol as so many questions he wants the answer for that he can’t keep quiet for longer than a just a few minutes.

“How did you even know I screamed at everyone yesterday?” he turns to older man and asks.

“Tao left a voicemail and I listened to it this morning,” he says. “I figured that your fit had more to do with the fact that Baekhyun and Jongdae are going to get married than with my situation.”

“It wasn’t,” Chanyeol tries do dismiss the obvious. “I felt guilty about not having said anything to you about Kris being here for the wedding and I was mad about the whole thing.”

Junmyeon doesn’t look convinced at all but Chanyeol thinks he might’ve gotten ridden of a conversion he really doesn’t want to have. “Can you stop lying for a moment? I know you and Baekhyun were together back in college, everyone does, and you just need to stop lying to everyone and to yourself because even a blind man can see you’re not okay and you haven’t been for a while,” and how come Junmyeon, who’s feeling like shit, still tries to comfort him and give him advices? 

“Stop, please!” Chanyeol tells Junmyeon. “I don’t want to talk about that. I want to forget me and Baekhyun ever had anything with each other, and more than anything I just want to forget about Baek and everything I feel for him.”

“We can talk about something else if you want,” and so they do. 

Junmyeon starts by telling him funny stories that happened with his students or things that he thinks Chanyeol would simply find interesting, but then he started talking about him and Kris and how it was hard for both of them to start dating because it always felt like there was this wall between them and Kris just completely refused to acknowledge his own feelings.

But eventually he did (and Chanyeol doesn’t miss the smile on Junmyeon’s face as he’s remembering that moment), and he explains how everything had been great from that point forward; of course they fought, every couple does at one point or another, but they could never stay mad with each other for too long. 

Chanyeol remembers well how it was once Kris and Junmyeon started dating, it was disgustingly cute and more often than not he would find himself feeling jealous of the couple and think about Baekhyun. Junmyeon also tells him how before graduation Kris looked a little distant — and how he just brushed it ofas him being nervous about finally graduating, but it turns out it wasn’t —, and on graduation day everything started to make sense in his head, because Kris finally told him that he had been promised to another woman. 

“Wait, what?” Chanyeol is a little bit shocked with the information to say the least. 

“Yeah,” he says sadly. “He told me that day that he had been promised since he was a teenager to another girl, so their parents could join their fortunes an make this big ass empire, you know?” He stops for a while and looks at his own hands.“And that was that, really. He told me, I yelled, and then he left and I never saw him again until yesterday.”

Junmyeon let’s out a little sob as Chanyeol hugs him tightly, and thinks this might be the first time Junmyeon has let all these things get to him.

By the time Kyungsoo gets home, Junmyeon is sleeping with his head on Chanyeol’s legs. 

“How is he?” Kyungsoo asks as he sits next to Chanyeol and caresses Junmyeon’s head. 

“Not that good, but he talked about it and he cried for a good while, so I guess that’s a good thing,” Chanyeol says quietly. “Where have you been all day, anyway? It’s 1 a.m.”

“I figured you needed some space and then Junmyeon ringed me to tell me he was coming so I just let you two chat for a while,” he gives Chanyeol a shy smile. “I know things don’t look too bright for you right now, but maybe it’s for the best you let Baekhyun go, for real this time.”

He gets up and kisses Chanyeol’s head before heading for his room, leaving Chanyeol thinking with a sleeping Suho on his lap. 

 

Chanyeol wakes up in his bed, which is weird since he doesn’t really remember getting there and Junmyeon and Kyungsoo could never carry him to bed. He chuckles at the thought of those two trying to carry his sleepy self to his bed and gets up. 

The first thing he notices is that he’s home alone and how late in the day it is, he guesses that he was a little more tired than he thought,  and then he notices the post it on the fridge saying that they are all at Baekhyun and Jongdae’s house and that he should go there too because no one is mad at him. He thinks about it and maybe, just maybe, he should just go and apologize to avoid unnecessary tension at the wedding the next day.

So that’s what he does, he takes a shower, dresses himself with the first thing he finds and heads to his friends’ house. 

When he gets there he just texts Kyungsoo he’s at the door because he doesn’t want to risk anyone else opening it.

“You actually came,” it’s the first thing Kyungsoo says when he opens the door.

“Well, I figured I might as well come and deal with all the awkward tension I created.”

He scans the room and as expected Junmyeon is anywhere to be seen and Kris is talking to Baekhyun and laughing at something the other said.

As soon as everyone sees Chanyeol the room goes a little bit silent, except for Baekhyun who keeps talking and pretending Chanyeol isn’t even there. 

Okay, he can deal with that.

He manages to let out a small 'hi' to greet everyone in the room and just sits next to Kyungsoo at the table, and that seems to be an habit he just couldn’t get rid of. Every time he feels nervous, anxious or uncomfortable he always reaches for Kyungsoo’s company, and maybe it’s because since they were kids Kyungsoo would always stand up for him against the kids who’d make fun of him for whatever reason, even if he was younger than Chanyeol. Kyungsoo always makes him feel safe and protected.

An hour and half goes by and anyone could feel the tension in the room and Chanyeol still hasn’t said a word and everyone keeps giving these looks he can’t really understand the meaning of exactly.

Once they are all gathered on the sofa and the floor, Chanyeol starts getting really fidgety and incredibly uncomfortable about the whole situation and blurts out the loudest ‘I’m sorry’, and everyone stares at him. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, but this time he looks at Jongdae and Baekhyun. “The way I talked the other day was completely out of line, especially because I was in on it too. I’m sorry I reacted the way I did.”

He just looks at his own hands because he’s too nervous to look at anyone else. 

“It’s alright,” he hears Jongdae say. “We weren’t even mad at you, Yeol. Surprised with your reaction? Definitely. But we were never mad,” Chanyeol doesn't really deserve a friend like Jongdae. No matter how much Chanyeol fucks up, the other always manages to forgive him.

Jongdae gives him the most sincere smile and Chanyeol feels like things are alright again. Well, at least until Baekhyun opens his mouth, that is. Because of course he couldn't just let it go.

“Speak for yourself, Dae,” and everyone looks at Baekhyun. “It was completely out of place and pathetic, and honestly the way you spoke to us was uncalled for.”

“I said I was sorry, okay?” Chanyeol is a little upset and his voice raises a little without him meaning to. “I have been dealing with some stuff but that doesn’t excuse my behavior.”

“It sure as hell doesn't,” Baekhyun is looking him dead in the eye and he feels himself shiver. “It’s starting to look pathetic all of these fits you’ve been throwing since me and Dae got engaged. Why is that Chanyeol? Do you feel lonely? Are you jealous that everyone is starting a family and you’re just alone still living with your college roommate, stuck with a life you’re not happy with?”

Chanyeol just stays quiet and moves closer to Kyungsoo’s side. Baekhyun is pushing Chanyeol’s button’s and he knows it, he wants a reaction from Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol looks around and everyone’s looking at them not knowing what to do. 

“I’m fine,” Chanyeol says quietly and hopes Baekhyun doesn’t say anything else. 

“You're not,” but of course he couldn’t let this whole conversation die. “First, you push Dae away for years, then you throw a fit about me proposing to my boyfriend and start avoiding me, and to top it all of you throw the biggest fit about something that has shit to do with you,” Baekhyun says. “So my question is: what the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“I’m in love with you, alright?” Chanyeol shouts. “I’ve been in love with you since college. Is that what you wanted to hear?” 

He gets up to leave but Baekhyun stops him from doing so. He looks at Jongdae and he can’t read the expression his best friend has on his face and for a few seconds he forgets that their group of friends is all in there looking at them. 

“What are you talking about?” Baekhyun asks Chanyeol with a confused expression that makes Chanyeol curse under his breath for finding it so endearing at a moment like this. 

“I’ve been in love with you all this time and I’m jealous, alright?” Chanyeol admits. “But you know what? Fuck you, Byun Baekhyun. I told you I was in love with you all those years ago and what did you do? You ignored it and you told me that everything we had was just a little harmless fun. That all those months of being together meant jack shit to you, and I get it, you know? Who wants to publicly date someone like me? A clumsy ugly big foot. No one, and specially not someone like the perfect Byun Baekhyun. You needed someone as great as you, as beautiful as you, and you found that in Jongdae, and I’m glad that you guys are happy together. I just hate you for making me feel worthless without even realizing you were doing it.”

He turns to Jongdae and he feels like the worst person in the world for making his best friend suffer like this.

“I’m so sorry, Dae. I guess after this it’s not a good idea to be at the wedding tomorrow,” and he walks towards the door. “I’m really, really sorry.”

 

 

After leaving he doesn’t go home because he knows that’s where everyone will be looking for him and the last thing he wants is having people around him, so he just walks and walks until he finds a bench and sits down replaying all that had just happened.

He had just confessed to Baekhyun, again, in front of all their friends, including Jongdae, and he just wants to take it all back because everything hurts. It hurts because he got rejected once more, it hurts because he’s making Jongdae suffer because he’s a selfish asshole who doesn’t seem to care about anyone’s feelings but his own. 

He stays there until morning and he laughs bitterly at how much this looks like the day when he found out that Baekhyun and Jongdae were getting married. He had promised himself that he would move on, he had promised he would stop making everyone uncomfortable because he couldn’t hide his feelings, he had promised himself so many things and in the end he couldn’t do any of it. 

Suddenly his phone stops buzzing every five minutes and he figures the battery died, and maybe he should go back home or maybe he should just go grab his car, quit his job and just go wherever. Maybe that’s what he needs, maybe a little time apart from everyone else will do him some good, he thinks. 

The sun has been up for a long while now and Chanyeol finally decides to head home and he’s glad that the only person there is Kyungsoo, who runs to hug him as soon as he opens the door.

“Dammit, Chanyeol,” he says as he hugs him tightly. “I told you not to pull this shit on me ever again. Where the hell were you?”

But Chanyeol only shrugs in response. He’s not really in the mood for talking much, really. 

“Are you even going to the wedding?”

“No, I’m not,” he says he drops on the sofa. “And honestly I don’t think Jongdae or Baekhyun want me there."

“Jongdae would love to have you there,” Kyungsoo tries. 

“No he wouldn’t, and you know it. He probably hates me right now for not telling him me and Baekhyun were a thing before they started dating or for not telling him how I felt about him since the beginning.”

Kyungsoo then tells him how Jongdae and Baekhyun started fighting as soon as he left because why was Jongdae only finding out about the two of them being together and how Baekhyun told everyone to leave so him and Jongdae could solve everything alone. Chanyeol tells Kyungsoo how he decided to go away for awhile, quit his partnership with Baekhyun and just get his life in order, away from everyone and everything, ignoring everything Kyungsoo says to make him change his mind. 

He takes a warm bath, dresses himself and warns Kyungsoo he's going out. 

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to apologize to Jongdae and Baekhyun and then I’m packing my things and leaving.”

 

 

When he gets to where the wedding is taking place his hands start to get all sweaty and he gets a little nauseous, but he has to do this, he has to do right by his friends, if he can even call them that at the moment.

He knocks on the door of the room where he knows his childhood best friend is and waits for him to open the door, and he's not even a little bit  surprised when Jongdae closes the door as soon as he sees his face.

“Dae, please open the door,” he begs and continues to bang on the door. “Please, just let me get a chance to explain things to you.”

Ten minutes have passed and he’s still waiting by the door. He figures Jongdae is never going to open it, and he doesn’t really blame him, so he just get’s up from the floor and he's ready to leave.

“It’s fine you don’t want to talk to me, I get it, I really do,” Chanyeol says and hopes Jongdae is listening to him on the other side of the door. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

And as he’s about to leave Jongdae finally opens the door. 

“Come in,” he snarled. 

As he looks at Jongdae, with bags under his eyes and looking like he hasn’t slept for days, he wishes he could take everything back. He wishes he had never dated Baekhyun, he wished he had stopped himself from going to Baekhyun’s office to ask him about the engagement, he wishes he had never said a single word yesterday. 

This is supposed to be the best day of his life and Chanyeol managed to turn it into shit.

“I don’t know what could you possibly tell me that I don’t know already, but go head.”

“I’m sorry I didn't tell you about me and Baekhyun since the beginning. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest about how I felt about him and let that come between our friendship, but most of all I’m sorry for putting you in a position like this. For making you suffer like this, for being a shitty friend.”

They stay in silence for a while a Chanyeol fears he's going to get yelled at or just be asked to leave. 

“I’m not happy with what happened. Honestly your timing is awful, it’s always been,” that’s true, Chanyeol had always the worst timing. “And I can’t really blame you for being in love with Baekhyun, can I? But I’m so mad at you. I’m so mad that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me all of this. I’m mad at you for pushing me away without telling me what was happening. I’m mad at you because there were so many times where I desperately needed my best friend and I just couldn’t reach out to you because you just wouldn’t let me. I’m so, so mad.”

Chanyeol get’s it. He knows that their relationship will take a while to recover from this, if it ever fully recovers, it will take a while for Jongdae to trust him again.

“I’m really sorry,” Chanyeol says again. “And I’ve decided to leave for a while. I’ve decided to quit my partnership with Baekhyun and just go away for sometime.”

And he’s glad that Jongdae doesn’t try to stop him from doing so. Chanyeol knows that’s because he’s a little relieved that his best friend is trying to move on from what he feels for his future husband.

“Bye, Dae,” and with this he walks out the door and he knows that we won’t hear from his best friend anytime soon.

 

He prepares himself to go knock on Baekhyun’s door — thinks if he even should talk to him at all —, and he doesn't really want to admit it, but he’s scared shitless of the other boy’s reaction when he sees him. 

He takes a deep breath and knocks. The door opens and he’s pretty sure it’s going to get closed on his face again, but instead Baekhyun just yells at him.

“What were you thinking with that little stunt you pulled yesterday?” And he’s furious as he pulls Chanyeol inside the room. “Were you hoping I would leave Jongdae and just ran off with you?”

“No. No!” What was he even talking about? Sometimes it looked like Baekhyun didn’t even knew Chanyeol at all. “Of course not. I just couldn’t hide it anymore, and you were just pushing and pushing and pushing, and I just couldn’t take it anymore.” 

Chanyeol is so exhausted of pretending, ofnot being able to just feel. When Baekhyun still doesn’t say anything, Chanyeol continues. 

“I’m sorry I did it. I’m sorry for complicating your life, but this isn’t something I can run away from anymore. I love you, and I probably will for the rest of my life and it sucks. It sucks because you love someone else, it sucks because no matter what I do I keep loving you more and more everyday,” he feels so vulnerable finally voicing his feelings for Baekhyun like this. This is so much more than just saying ‘I love you’ after sex or in a frustrated rant in front of their friends. “And more than anything I just want to move on. I want to move on from you, from all this pain I have in my chest every time I look at you. I want to move on from all this jealousy I feel for not being the one you’re in love with.” 

He caresses Baekhyun’s face and continues or else he just won’t be able to finish without crying, and he doesn’t really want to do that in front of Baekhyun. 

“I love you so much that sometimes I get so overwhelmed and I can hardly breathe, but I’m glad you’re happy. I’m glad you and Jongdae found each other and maybe, just maybe, there’s someone out there for me too.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun starts, but Chanyeol just continues to talk.

“It’s fine Baek. I’ll be fine,” he reassures the small boy. “I’m leaving for sometime to put my life in order and I’ll send you the paper work for you to buy my part at our firm. You know, if I have to miss someone for the rest of my life, I’m glad it’s you, Byun Baekhyun.”

He kisses the top of the boy’s head and leaves, and as soon as he’s out of the door he just can’t stop the tears from falling.

This is it, this is were he finally let’s go of Baekhyun after all these years. 

 

 

When he gets home he starts filling his bag with his clothes and what he would need for this trip. He tries not to cry too much while he does it,  and he laughs bitterly at how pathetic his life has become. Leaving everyone and everything behind because he just can’t seem to get  hold of his stupid feelings, and he’d rather leave than having his group split because he won’t be able to be next to Baekhyun and Jongdae.

It sounds childish but no matter how much they both mean to him, he will never be able to be around them again as long as he still feels like this about Baekhyun. 

He’s thankful that Kyungsoo is not home because he doesn’t think he could manage to say goodbye to his friend, even if it’s just for a little while.They’ve been together since they were babies and they’ve never been apart for more than a week, and he knows that out of all his friends Kyungsoo will be the one he’ll be talking to everyday when he’s away. 

 

 

 

+

 

 

 

It’s been six months after he left and while the feelings for Baekhyun are still there, he’s getting better and his life is finally looking a little bit more like how he always imagined it. He’s in a good place now. Or at least he likes to think he is.

In the six months he’s been away he’s been through a bunch of countries in Europe (France, England, Germany, Sweden, Italy, you name it), until he decided to settle in a beach house in Portugal two months ago. 

Kyungsoo is the only one that knows where he is and he speaks to him everyday. Chanyeol doesn’t ask about Jongdae and Baekhyun or the wedding, and Kyungsoo does’t talk to him about it either. And even though he still talks to his other friends it’s not as much as he talks with Kyungsoo. 

“You should visit me one of these days, Soo,” he says to his best friend over a Skype call. “I’m sure Sehun can live without your help for a while.”

“How long do you plan staying there?”

“I don’t know, to be honest,” he confesses. “I quite like it here. The people are nice, the weather is lovely and it’s quiet. I might just move here.”

He thought about it, moving in permanently. He has a lot of money saved up, that’s how he bought the house he’s living in, and he could just do whatever, take a little time from law practice and just relax.

“You're joking, right?” Chanyeol shakes his head. “Don’t even think about it, Park Chanyeol. We miss you. I miss you.”

“Aww Kyungsoo, I’m touched,” Chanyeol says and he swears he can hearhis best friend mutter ‘asshole’ under his breath. “But I’ve missed you too. How are things back home?”

Kyungsoo tells him that everyone is good. Sehun and Jongin are finalizing the last bits of the adoption paper work and soon they’ll have a ball of sunshine taking up all their time, and Junmyeon and Kris are on talking terms — which surprises Chanyeol —, and apparently Yixing got married when he went to China to visit his family.

“What?” 

“He came back from China with a girl and we all thought it was a cousin or something, you should’ve seen Tao’s face when he told us they were married,” Kyungsoo laughs as he remembers. “He couldn’t stop laughing about it.”

Well, trust Yixing to marry someone after two weeks of knowing each other.

“And what about you, Soo?” Chanyeol asks.

“What about me?”

“When will you find yourself someone?”

“I don’t know. Someday? Never?” Chanyeol laughs because of course that was his answer. “Maybe I’ll just end up being one of those cool single uncles, who knows? Not everyone is looking for that happy ending with someone they love. Not everyone falls in love, Yeol.”

“Yeah, I know, but what about that girl you were seeing last October? Or the boy after that?” Chanyeol asks but all he gets is a ‘eh’ and a shrug.

They talk for a little bit more until Kyungsoo tells Chanyeol he has to go edit some photoshoot he had done. They say their goodbyes and Kyungsoo promised to visit Chanyeol as soon as he could. 

The good thing about being away is that he can relax and do nothing all day, just like now, so he decides to take a nap because he stayed up all night watching movies on Netflix. 

 

He wakes up later in the evening with a knock on the door, which is weird because he doesn’t really know anyone here and he can’t think of one single reason why anyone would be knocking on his door at this time. As he’s still trying to assimilate everything, the person on the other side of the door increases their knocking and he yells an ‘I’m coming’ in his not-so-bad-but-not-that-good-either Portuguese as he’s getting up from de sofa. 

He almost falls on his ass when he opens the door and sees Baekhyun standing in front of him.

"What the hell are you doing here?” Is the first thing that comes out of his mouth after he composes himself. “And how did you even knew where I was?”

“Kyungsoo,” it’s all Baekhyun says.

Of course, fucking Do Kyungsoo. 

They stay like that, staring at each other, for what it feels like hours and Chanyeol is trying to make sense of all of this. Why is Baekhyun here alone? And why after six months of him being gone? 

“So, we’re just going to stay here,” Baekhyun finally says.

“You still haven’t answered my questions.” 

“Well, I would if you could just let me in, Chanyeol,” he says. “It’s fucking freezing.”

Chanyeol steps back and signs Baekhyun to come in and sit on the couch. 

“It’s a nice house you have here. It’s cozy,” and it feels weird to see Baekhyun trying to do small talk with him when they never needed that, even when they first met. 

“Baekhyun, stop stalling and just say whatever you came here to say,” maybe he was a little bit too rude, but it was just like Baekhyun to fucking appear out of nowhere just when he was doing fine. 

“I’m sorry!” Baekhyun blurts out a little bit to loud. “I’m so sorry for everything I said to you six months ago. I’m sorry for how I made you feel and what I did to you when we were in college, Chanyeol. I never knew you felt like that.”

“I told you. I told you I was in love with you and you pretended it never happened!” 

“I know, but I thought you didn’t mean it. You said it yourself, it was just a heat of the moment thing, and you never said anything about it after that, even when I broke things off with you,“ Baekhyun tries to justify himself. 

“That’s because I thought you didn’t care, you fool!” He replies a little bit too loudly. “You were breaking things up with me, saying that what we had was just for fun, that you never felt anything for me. What was I supposed to do? I was scared shitless that you would reject me, and I’d rather have your friendship then nothing else.”

“I’m so sorry, Yeolie,” and Baekhyun can’t even bring himself to look at Chanyeol. 

“Please, just stop saying you’re sorry. And don’t call me that!” why did Baekhyun have to come here and ruin everything he had accomplished these past six months? “Does Jongdae even know you’re here? I don’t think he’d happy to know that his husband went after the man that almost ruined his wedding.”

Baekhyun goes quiet after that. He starts fidgeting with his hands and tries to find a comfortable position on the couch, never looking at Chanyeol. 

“Hmmm, yeah, about that,” he laughs nervously and finally looks at Chanyeol and honestly, he looks like shit. He looks like he hasn’t had a nice night of sleep in weeks. “The wedding never happened.”

Well, that sure takes Chanyeol by surprise. Why hadn’t anyone told him that the wedding had never happened? Sure, it wouldn’t have made a difference to Chanyeol, he would’ve still carried one with this trip, but still.

Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun and tries to understand the other man’s expression because, shouldn’t he be mad at Chanyeol? Shouldn’t he be screaming with him for ruining his wedding?

“But you and Dae are still to together, right?” he asks. Maybe this was just a delay, maybe they felt they were still not ready, Chanyeol thinks.

Baekhyun shakes his head. “No, were not,” he answers. “Jongdae said he didn’t want to marry a man that was in love with someone else.” 

And what does that even mean? Was Baekhyun in love with someone else? And what does Chanyeol have to do with any of this? He just woke up from a nap, his brain is not fully functional for this kind of shit. 

“So, apparently you’re in love with someone else. Then what are you doing here with me? Shouldn’t you be with them?” and of course Baekhyun laughs at that. He fucking laughs, and it’s so adorable Chanyeol just wants to wrap him in his arms and never let him go.

“I’m in love with you, dumbass,” blurts out and it’s safe to say that Chanyeol forgets how to breath a second. 

“What do you mean you’re in love with me?” Chanyeol asks. “Is this a joke? Are you playing a prank on me? Because this is not funny, Baekhyun.” 

“It’s not a joke, Chanyeol. Why would I even do that?”

“So why are you telling all of this right now? It’s been five years. Five! Is it because Jongdae left you and you know that I love you so you decided to just try your luck with me?” 

“It’s not that, Chan—“

“Then what is it?” Chanyeol screams. “Did you wake up one day and suddenly realized that you were in love with me all this time? Because that is bullshit, Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol just couldn’t do this. The world sure enjoys seeing him suffer. 

“Maybe you should just leave, Baekhyun” Chanyeol suggests. 

“Please, please, let me just explain to you, and then I promise you I will leave you alone,” Baekhyun begs. 

For years this was all Chanyeol wanted to hear from Baekhyun. For years he dreamed wide awake of Baekhyun finally realizing he was  in love with him, but now, it just didn’t feel like Chanyeol thought it would. He’s hurt, and he just can’t trust Baekhyun’s words. Everything sounds so rushed, like all of a sudden Baekhyun had a epiphany after five years.

“You know, when I first met you I thought you were the most captivating person I’d ever met,” he says smiling to himself. “Yeah, you didn’t talk much at first, but every time you did I would catch myself thinking how the hell did I got so lucky to find someone like you.”

Chanyeol doesn’t really know what to do with all of this information. He doesn’t know where to look, he can’t bring himself to move and he’s not really sure if he’s breathing or  not.

“And yeah, in the beginning of our sex arrangement it was all for fun, I admit, but then you went and you grabbed your stupid guitar that day after we just had sex and you sang to me, and honestly Yeolie, it was the cheesiest thing,” Chanyeol can see him smile at the memory and tries his damn hardest not to smile too. “You were singing butt naked while dancing around the room and you were laughing more than you were singing, but that was the moment I realized I was irreversibly in love with you, and that scared the hell out of me. So when you told me you loved me, I completely freaked out, and then you didn’t say anything about it and I thought you hadn’t meant it.”

“But why didn’t you talk to me about it? Why did you said that you liked Jongdae and you never liked me romantically?” Chanyeol asks quietly. 

“Because I had this irrational fear you didn’t feel the same and I would just get rejected. And Jongdae... I really liked him and I thought that with time I would learn to love him and just fall out of love with you. During these past five years I did love him, I do love him, but I was never in love with him.”

“Well you sure as hell can hide that love very well, Baekhyun. I could have sworn you hated me at some point.”

“I was frustrated with you. Everything was fine and suddenly you’re demanding explanations about why I didn’t tell about my engagement and I couldn’t understand why, and then you started ignoring me and I was so hurt, so mad at you for putting me on the side without any explanation.”

Chanyeol can see the tears falling down Baekhyun’s face, even if he’s trying to hide them by looking at his hands, and next thing he knows he’s caressing Baekhyun’s pretty hands and whipping his tears away with his hands.

“You’re an idiot, Baekhyun. I’m an idiot. We should’ve talked with each other back then.”

“I know, and now it’s too late, I get it,” Baekhyun says while he gets up to leave. “I’ll be going.”

But before he could turn around to leave, Chanyeol grabbed his arm and pulled him closer to him and just hugged him, resting his chin on top of Baekhyun’s head, rubbing small circles on the man’s back while he cried silently against Chanyeol’s shoulders. 

“Don’t cry Baekhyunie,”he said, putting his hands on each side of the face of the other man and kisses his forehead before looking him in the eyes. “Maybe we should’ve talked about it back then, maybe we should’ve done it a year or two ago, but it’s not too late, is it? I love you, and you love me. Yeah, we still have a lot of things to work out, and it will take a while for both of us to feel comfortable with each other, or to fully trust each other again, but I know we can make it because I love you so much, and I will make sure to never give up and to make you the happiest I can.”

Right now Chanyeol is the happiest is ever been in years and he knows him and Baekhyun have a lot of things to work out and it will take some work, but he knows they will get there, because they love each other and right now that’s all that matters. 


End file.
